Uncreated Conscience

Every time I open up a new blog post, I find myself being unable to find the words. Depression affects people in different ways—and in my case, affects me in different ways every time it comes around—but this time it seems to have taken the form of apathy. I have a hard time caring about anything. I have a hard time finding the will to do anything. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in bed but sometimes I’m terrified I will.

It will pass. All fits do. For every pin-shatteringly beautiful manic moment, there is its corresponding deadening low. It’s the nature of knowing things that come around, go around. For me. Ups and downs are unrelated to any event. I am. That was easy to accept.

The hard part is weathering it.

As Rachel and I were going through our morning routine today, we were listening with half an ear to The Today Show blathering on about South Carolinan Representative Joe Wilson calling President Obama a liar during his healthcare reform speech. I then recalled watching this incredible video by ThoughtBubble.org, which animated YA author John Green‘s video discussing the state of American healthcare.

The rest of the morning was spent introducing my roommate to the awesome that are the VlogBrothers, John and Hank Green. This, of course, prompted me to watch some of my favourite Brotherhood 2.0 videos when I stumbled across one of John’s videos about THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger.

In response to the comment/criticism that Holden Caulfield, the narrator of THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, is unlikeable, I regret to inform you that you are also unlikeable.

So am I.

There’s this weird, but pervasive feeling in the world of contemporary coming-of-age fiction that characters ought to be either the person you want to be or the person you want to be with. [...]

[Holden Caulfield] is the guy you secretly know yourself to be.

A few weeks ago, Sarah Rees Brennan wrote a great essay called “Ladies, Please (Carry On Being Awesome)” about (specifically female) response to female characters in fiction. She later followed up on Twitter asking about character identification and whether it was necessary to enjoy a book.

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All is well in JJ's world

Here is a small fact about myself: the state of my bed is a good indicator of my physical/mental well-being. I am one of those people who absolutely cannot start a day unless my bed is made; I will even make my bed at the expense of being late to work. Heaven forbid I leave the apartment with my bedclothes in disarray; I will be an absolute grump for the rest of the day.

I told Rachel that if she should ever come home to find me missing, my bed unmade, and White-Harp still snoozing, call the cops immediately—I’ve been abducted!

My life can be reduced to a series of simple equations, the variables of which involve the bed and White-Harp.

1. Bed made + White-Harp tucked in = All is well in JJ’s world
2. Bed made + White-Harp gone = JJ is in New Jersey with Teddy Bear
3. Bed unmade + White-Harp on the couch = JJ is feeling sick/depressed/something else is wrong
4. Bed unmade + White-Harp still under the covers = JJ’s been kidnapped

I spent all of Friday and Saturday in a state of #3. Thursday night Rachel, The Inimitable Bex, and I went to a screening of Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid at the Brooklyn Bridge Park and I think I got sick from the damp. Consequently, White-Harp and I were relegated to our couch while I watched all of the original Star Wars trilogy with the commentary on this weekend.

Rachel and I both adore Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, but I remember saying to her that I resented Etta Place because I felt as though she interrupted the bromance between Cassidy and the Kid.

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At last I’ve finally gotten around to purchasing my own domain. I have been Tara‘s hostee for two years now and she was generous enough to continue hosting me after I retired the old URL. (Admittedly, http://jaejones.aigoo-chamna.net/ is a handful to remember.)

New Domain at SJaeJones.com

The home page of SJaeJones.com

After wrestling with HTML, CSS, and merging my old blog with the new space, I finally have SJaeJones.com up and running. Huzzah! The layout isn’t exactly complete, but it’s about 85% finished and that’s good enough for me.

I’ve also added a Portfolio section in which I’m intending to showcase my webdesign and illustration work and (possibly) drum up some commissions here and there. I don’t have a commission structure set up or anything and in the next few weeks, I should be picking up the loose ends.

Anyway. Yay! I’ve got a headache now. I think I got sick at a screening of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid at the Brooklyn Bridge Park, so I am going to lay down now and hope not to die.

New roommate, (new job? Please?), new…ish hair.

In an inaugural New Roommate Bonding event, Rachel helped me dye my hair last night. Yesterday I was wandering around Central Park with my friend Jess when she had to stop in a pharmacy to grab some contact solution. I spied a package of hair dye and thought, Oh hell, why not?

Before.

(Holy cow, that is a demonic smile on my face.)

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