My Kingdom for a Fake White Flower

Does no one sell silk flowers anymore? I must have walked into 6 florists this morning in search of a large white silk (or other sort of fake) flower and not a single one had them. I could have sworn you used to be able to buy artificial plants at a florist (I know, I know, it defeats the purpose) but I suppose not. I found a few at last at a local 99 cent store and with some judicious application of Krazy Glue to a few hair pins, hopefully we shall achieve success.

Yesterday I went on a mini makeup shopping spree at Duane Reade as I don’t really own any. Eye makeup in the 30s was dramatic, but also shimmery (women used to dab a bit of Vaseline on the center of the eyelid for a bit of shine). I lucked out and found some shimmery eyeshadow that matched my dress, as well as false eyelashes. I also bought The Scariest Lipcolour Ever. This lipstick, it is BRIGHT and IN YOUR FACE. It isn’t sultry plum or dark rose, it is Drunk-In-the-Alleyway-and-I-Woke-Up-with-Gonorrhea red. Called “Heartbreak” on the tube. It is the reddest, most saturated shade I’ve ever seen without the slightest hint of either blue or orange. I have never in my life worn a colour like this; girls of my complexion are told to stay away or else risk looking sallow. I don’t think I look sallow, but my god, I look like a vampy harlot.

Perfect.

Unfortunately, said lipstick never comes off. I tried it on last night before watching LOST with Wicked Cool Riley and the Loveseat and despite repeated scrubbing with water and tissues, I woke up this morning with my lips as red as ever. This prompted an immediate run to the nearest pharmacy for creme makeup remover (I never wear lipcolour so I only own eye makeup remover). Four men said hello, one asked for my number (I declined), and I got a few wolf whistles. I was mildly hungover (we had wine with LOST, hadn’t yet showered, and aside from LIPS OF DOOM, no makeup. Ladies, this is a powerful shade.

I had hoped to spend today practicing hair and makeup for Saturday, but Mum called in with a favour last night. Mum is a Korean-English interpreter and she needed some help with English vocabulary and idiomatic worksheets. Idioms are understandably tricky for a non-native speaker like Mum (she speaks excellent English with no accent–she ought to after nearly 30 years in this country) but even I am having slight difficulty with these worksheets. The answer choices are somewhat misleading.

For example, a question like this annoys me:

Logodaedalians love to engage in
a) the excessive use of words
b) the ludicrous misuse of words
c) the capricious coinage of words
d) the use of symbols instead of words

Logodaedalians are really word craftsmen (I’m assuming this because of logos meaning “word” and that “-daedalian” refers to Daedalus, a Greek figure known for inventiveness as I can’t seem to find a strict definition online). They would not engage in the “ludicrous misuse of words” nor would they use “symbols instead of words”. Yet neither would they “excessively” use them or “capriciously coin” them either. They love, delight, and revel in obscure and rare words. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they “excessively” use them and “capricious” is too strong in meaning for a sort of people that could be described as “playful.”

P.S. Korean-English interpreters would need to know this word why?

And another:

Traduce may sound like translate in some languages, but it’s not. The verb traduce actually means
a) to switch over
b) to badmouth
c) to drag around
d) to inflict injury

“Traduce” means to dishonour someone by maligning them with false statements, etc. Therefore I chose “to inflict injury.” But I take umbrage with this because “to inflict injury” to me implies “to inflict physical harm“, not defamation or slander/libel. It’s been ages since I’ve taken any sort of verbal exam like this and either I am out of practice, or these questions are stupid.

P.S. Who defines “luculent” with “perspicuous”? I have a prodigiously large vocabulary, but really.

It’s littered with questions like these. A synonym for “sully” is “defile” or “spoil?” (I went with “defile”.) A synonym for “cabal” is “trick” or “plot”? (The other choices were “support” and “commitment”. I went with “plot”.) A synonym for “depredation” is “debasement” or “plunder”? (I went with “plunder”.) There is a correct answer for each of these but no real “right” ones.

I have a headache now. Although now I’m fairly certain it’s the worksheets and not the wine. Ugh.

Edited to add: As Karros pointed out, the answer for “traduce” is “to badmouth” because I’m a retard and overlooked that ENTIRELY. Go Karros!