#Queryfail? Or #Querywin?
Last week an agent decided to declare a day of #queryfail on Twitter in which I participated. I had a blast reading other people’s posts and comments about the idea and submitted not a few of my own as I went through El Jefe’s slush. Unfortunately there has been a backlash against #queryfail as many people cited it as being mocking or cruel, despite our best intentions not to make it so.
C’est la vie, of course. People read what they will and no one has authority to say This is how it is and there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. (Unless you are Alan Moore because only he is the messenger between our world and the universe his characters inhabit. Can I repeat how much I love this man?) I’m surprised that people are ignoring #queryfail’s counterpart #querywin, in which a few of us tried to post what did work for us in a query. But alas, it was #queryfail that caught everyone’s attention and passion, not #querywin.
Why did I participate? I’m not an agent, or even an agent’s assistant; I am a lowly intern. I participated because I am my bosses’ first line of defense, so to speak. In larger agencies, there are often assistants and interns who slog through the slush before passing the “good” ones onto their superiors. I participated because as an aspiring writer myself, I had done a lot of research online before even taking this position about how to write a professional query, how to craft a good hook, how to pitch, etc. and I wanted to show my other aspiring writer-friends what they are up against. And I participated because I’m fond of absurdist humour (as are many of my Twitter friends) and the truly bizarre proposals we get sometimes are worth noting. (If you’re somewhat sensitive, publishing is perhaps not the business for you.) My roommate also works at a literary agency and between the two of us, we have accumulated quite a list of bizarre lines from queries that we commiserate over. (Another one of my friends who used to work at an agency had what they called a Wall of Shame.)
Is that mean-spirited? Possibly. But we are in the business of judging. It’s the very nature of an agent (or intern)’s job. I’ve had a few tutorials here with some top agents in the industry about discernment. As one of them said in his tutorial, “Nobody knows anything. The only thing you need to know is what you like.” What I thought was ridiculous could be some other agent’s dream. The example the agent used was BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY which he thought was sentimental claptrap but was a huge bestseller. “The business of publishing is about falling in love,” he said. If nothing else, I thought #queryfail was an interesting exercise in taste.
Of course, as an intern, I have to read queries with my bosses’ tastes in mind. El Jefe likes thrillers and women’s fiction and La Junior Agent prefers YA, but a different sort of YA than I typically go for. So the first thing I look for in a query is professionalism. Professionalism goes a long way. The next is hook. The last is voice. Two of three and you’ll probably get a request. I’ve read queries in which the hook was bland but voice was exceptional. I’ve read others in which the voice was bland but the hook phenomenal. I’ve read still others that broke every freaking rule on “how to write a query” but the voice and hook were so unique I had to see the rest.
Of the more ridiculous ones, voice is critical. If the voice is right, no matter how crazy or insane the rest is, I’ll probably ask to see more. One of my friends responded to a query with “That sounds like it could be tongue-in-cheek!” It wasn’t, but if it had been I would have probably requested it. (Of course, both my bosses have the ability to override my yeses and nos.) Can I tell without reading the manuscript? Yes, yes I can. It’s amazing how much one can convey in 300 words.
Often though, what is conveyed is “touched in the head.” Or possibly illegal. Come on, people, a non-fiction diet book recommending bulimia as the best weight-loss how-to? Really?
Thank you for participating in #queryfail. As a writer, I learned a lot, and am learning more reading other agents’ (and assistants’, and interns’) takes on this whole thing. Like you said, there are no rules; it’s about what you like or don’t like. Well, reading all this I’m finding out what you, and other agents/assistants/interns, like (if I query you, I will let my voice take over, instead of trying to be more professional/businesslike; if I query Colleen, I will say “Dear Colleen” instead of “Ms. Lindsay” — these things won’t guarantee me a yes, but they get me closer to it!) This was a huge learning opportunity for us queriers, and I hope it continues!
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I really enjoyed it. It’s funny to me that many writers complain they wish they knew what was going through slush readers’ minds when they read queries, but when given a peek, whine about it.
Admittely, when I was younger, and my ego much more fragile, I might have found it hard to take, because I would have been sure every joke was really all about *me.* :) And honestly, I once made many of those mistakes, and how else was I going to learn better unless I was able to read what not to do?
I hope the complaints won’t make it impossible to do another #queryfail. I also read #querywin. I enjoyed both.
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Great post. I didn’t realize there was a #querywin thread. I need to go check it out.
I’m with you in that I get impatient with those writing instructors who are supportive to the point of losing perspective. After all, do you tell an electrician that as long as he gets the wires together, however he does it is fine? There are standards in every industry, even the creative ones.
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Karina,
The thing is, though, if writing instructors (and by that I mean teachers and college instructors/professors) snarked about their students’ writing online–even adult students–they’d most likely be fired, or at the very least severely reprimanded. Yes, there are standards in every industry, and those would be the standards of professionalism in education. Believe me, writing instructors suffer over student papers as much as agents suffer over queries. Obviously the dynamic and situations are different, but even so, despite the stated benign intent to educate, I’m not sure it demonstrated the same degree of professionalism. Tone is very important, and I think the tone was off here.
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A quick reply to rtkent: While I understand your sentiment, this isn’t school, or the playground, or a nice ‘rehearsal’ for submitting a query – this is the professional world of publishing (or part of it anyway). And the ‘pro world’ has no business being ‘nice’ and gentle. Professional yes. And there are those that have a nurturing side to them that try to let people down gently but have you ever been for an interview? Or worse (much worse) an audition to get a job? You get a few minutes to show your stuff and convince the company/director that you’re worth a second look. There’s nothing so good for killing your self-esteem than having a bad audition! Interviews and auditions especially are really rough, nerve-wracking and yet necessary; just like queries. If only the world were really as nice, fair and nurturing as we wish people would be – especially with artists and writers who often feel they’re putting themselves on the line – but the reality is, there’s a huge slush pile to swim through.
What Colleen and her colleagues did with #queryfail was priceless in getting us, those aspiring to be published, a chance to learn what it takes to write a good query SO THAT WE CAN GET IT RIGHT THE NEXT (or first) TIME. That was unnecessary but generous and it said to me more than anything that these agents want us to succeed!
Personally I found #queryfail to give me confidence that I was on the right track. I’m not perfect yet by any means but I am getting some things right. Knowing what I’m doing right as well as what I’m doing wrong is invaluable to me. It means when I come to writing my next query letter I have guidelines to follow and rather than spend my time wondering whether I’m getting the letter right I’m spending my time finding the agent my book is likely to fit with best. In the meantime it means I can concentrate on the stuff that’s harder still – writing a damn good novel.
Thank you to Colleen Lindsay and the other pros (and interns :) ) who participated in #queryfail. I appreciate all the tips and yes, the laughs too. We all need those! :)
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inkgypsy,
It’s a strawman argument to claim that I suggested that anyone be ‘nice’ and ‘gentle.’ I said no such thing. I said ‘professional.’ I also don’t think you help your argument by denigrating college instructors by suggesting that we are little more than playground supervisors.
I said that it would be unprofessional for college writing instructors to publicly mock specific student papers. I also stated that there is a difference between college instructors and agents, but that while the same standards do not apply, there still are (or should be) standards, and in some instances I thought the tone crossed the line.
Yes, yes, life is hell, but so is war, and even in war, we ask that participants follow certain rules.
I am not condemning the project. I take the participants at their word that they were trying to be helpful, and the information they provide can be very useful. I would only ask that in the future they think about the criticism they’ve received and consider whether the approach could be improved. After all, social media is a dialogue, such as the one we’re engaging in here. You can’t on the one hand say ‘life is tough, get over it,’ and then be outraged when you blog or twitter and generate a response. It’s the nature of the beast. Nastiness can and should be ignored, but thoughtful responses should be thoughtfully considered.
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