Do Not Want
This seal does not want. I do not want either.
This is going to be one of those personal opinions posts that I’m sure will probably enrage a lot of people, but lately I’ve been getting a little frustrated with my reading, both for work and pleasure, so I’m going to make a very general, very broad statement.
I can’t stand books that have FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS.
You know the sort, I’m sure. Books are about That Hot Guy! And This Ordinary Girl! Who Fall in Love! And it is Tormented and Be-Obstacled (me and Sarah Palin–who’s apparently the new Shakespeare–makin’ up words) with so much Conflict (internal or external) that I must know if they get together by the end!
Seriously, it’s gotten so bad lately that the instant any hint of FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS crosses the page, I drop it like I’ve just been burned. And I have been burned. Figuratively.
“Is This A Sissy Book?”
Essentially–and you are all going to hate me for saying this–I can’t stand romance. I can’t stand it when the narrative conflict focuses too heavily on will they or won’t they? and not enough on…I don’t know. Anything else. Puppies. MacGuffins. Blowing shit up. Something.
You can call me the worst sort of hypocrite and you’d probably be right. There are plenty of romances and love stories I adore, not to mention my prevailing raison d’être for reading MOCKINGJAY and watching The X-Files is to answer the question Will they or won’t they?. (In the case of MOCKINGJAY, if you haven’t figured it out already, I’m TEAM PEETA ALL THE WAY.)
And don’t get me wrong, I love romantic elements in a book. I sniffled at Will and Lyra’s epic declarations of love in the THE GOLDEN COMPASS, sighed at Phèdre and Joscelin’s reconciliation in KUSHIEL’S AVATAR, and got all fluttery when Anne (finally) accepted Gilbert’s proposal in ANNE OF THE ISLAND. I was really, really moved by Maggie Stiefvater’s SHIVER and I love JANE EYRE.
But these days I feel like the boy from The Princess Bride. “Is this a sissy book?” I ask as I flip through the pages. “Killed by pirates is good! Ugh, the kissy stuff. Do we have to read it?”
Grandpa said that when I’m older I might not mind so much.
The thing is, I’m older and I still kind of mind. A lot. More books could benefit from Meatloaf. And by that, I mean, characters should do anything for love, but they shouldn’t do that. That could be anything, but I start to question when characters drop everything to be with the one s/he loves. In any good love story, the characters drive the romance, but more often than not, I find myself reading about characters who are shuttled from point A to point B, all in the name of Love. That’s not a story; that’s artificial conflict.
I Don’t Like Earnest Sentimentality
I so very rarely like earnest declarations of love. Or tingly feelings. Or melty insides. Or liquid knees. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to be shown, not told. The absolute best writers of romance can do this effortlessly (and I can forgive the occasional slow-burning fire smoldering somewhere in the genital regions). They can show me two characters and then show me how those characters function as a pair and how this ultimately changes them and transforms their lives.
It’s the change that interests me, and change doesn’t mean FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS. Frequently I will come across characters who realize “This person makes me rethink what I want!” But that’s too simplistic for me. The process of reevaluation is long, somewhat tormented, rather painful, and the ultimate outcome of such an evaluation is either acceptance or rejection of change. To me, that’s what keeps suspense when it comes to romance–the will they or won’t they?
I Love You, Just Like I Love These Potato Chips
Three little words. I love you. They fly fast and furious between lovers in books these days, but I want those I love yous to come at a cost. What does it mean to give someone those three little words? They have such weight, shouldn’t there be a little more deliberation and/or fear of saying them?
I remember when I first started dating Bear, enjoying our time together, falling in love with him a little bit more each day that passed. Suddenly before I knew it, those three little words kept rising from my heart, bubbling to my lips, pressing against each word in our conversations. I had to talk around them, find ways to keep them down. Why? I was afraid. Could I trust him with my heart? Was it too soon? Did he feel the same way? How much more would it hurt if I said them and he didn’t?
It would hurt a lot. Maybe even too much.
So better to keep my mouth shut, to hold those words in, to smile and hope he understood by the way I acted. By the way I talked. But eventually the pressure became too much and they were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
Except he got there first. Right as I couldn’t stay silent any longer.
Did I have FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS? Of course. Were they intense? Absolutely. Was it a function of the circumstances we were in? In part. Two kids living in a foreign country, thrown together by some vague desire to explore and leave behind a life with which we had been comfortable. We made friends, then we made love.
As far as stories go, ours isn’t terribly romantic. Or exciting. Or special. Liking someone is easy, being attracted to someone even easier, but declaring love? That’s a huge thing. And I want this huge thing to be warranted, to be deserved. Fighting through external obstacles is all well and good, but there’s gotta be some internal ones as well. Telling me over and over again that two characters have FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS for each other won’t convince me. God, it just makes me roll my eyes.
More Stuff to Do! Less Making Out
As a result of my knee-jerk reaction against books with FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS, I find myself being more drawn to books with a really interesting plot. In many ways, I can forgive being less emotionally attached to characters if I am intellectually engaged. My coworkers and I were discussing two YA novels with vaguely similar premises, but one was more about the implications of the world in which they lived whereas the other was all about FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS. You could probably guess which one I preferred.
But it isn’t as though I don’t want relationships in books. I want characters to care about each other (romantic or not), I just didn’t want their caring to take over my book. THE THIRTEENTH TALE by Diane Setterfield is an excellent novel about relationships, but I kept reading because it was such a delicious gothic mystery with an unexpected twist, that I had to go back and reread the book immediately.
So I can sometimes feel betrayed when a book with a really interesting premise calls to me, but gives the romance star billing. Ugh. Perhaps I’m unusual, but I feel love stories ought to be ancillary to the plot, but still good enough to make me care. I mean, THE HUNGER GAMES is not about the eternal Gale vs. Peeta question, even if I’m really invested in that part of the series. THE HUNGER GAMES is an awesome story about Finding Ways To Bring The Man Down.
But that’s me. Phew, I had to get that off my chest. So sorry about the rant. I promise next time I won’t be so rage-filled.
As a romance author (well, romantic comedy) I can assure you I’m not offended!
I share your abhorrence for books so grounded in FEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS, and in fact, threw one against the wall last night for precisely that reason.
I know those kinds of books sell, and Lord knows I’ve had editors tell me they want more of the mushy stuff in my stories, but I know I could never bring myself to center an entire book around my heroine’s neuroses or my hero’s whiny little issues with his mother.
Of course, this is the beauty of the romance genre to me — there’s a place for the melodramatic, gushy stuff, and there’s also a place for insensitive bitches like me who prefer to sprinkle their stories with two parts humor for every one part smooching. There are readers out there for all of it!
Great post!
Tawna
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Yeah, I don’t do well with the mushy stuff. It makes me uncomfortable and squirmy. :)
Funny, on the other hand, I adore. I urgently require at least a little bit of humor, or at least some self-awareness, when it comes to romance. :)
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Agreed. This is the reason I’ve bought so many YA books and had to put them down. This is the reason I cringe when I tell people my book has a romance in it. I quickly cover up and say “but really it’s about totalitarianism and tolerance and ethics and building a society where everyone is free!”. But I think sometimes people get lost at “Paranormal romance”.
I’ve always believed that these tension filled love tales must have consequences, especially when it involves two different species. Already you have a set up for an allegory to an issue that is so crucial today, be it gay or biracial love. When two species fall in love it becomes (or should become) so complicated inwardly. Is it right or wrong for me to love this person? Do I push away my feelings for the society I live in or the government that is in charge, or do I follow my heart and try to build a world where love is love and we can live without shame?
I also enjoy atypical love stories. They don’t fall in love because they find each other so irresistible and smashing, but rather it’s the steady contact, the change from not-friends to friends to lovers. Or completely insane love ala “True Romance”. I love love, love romance (well done), but it needs to feel real, much like in many of the works you’ve mentioned above. I think it’s important on so many levels, thanks for posting this. :)
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Friends to lovers = my favourite kind of romance ever. :)
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I adore you for writing this post. FINALLY, someone who shares my sentiments. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a complete and total sap. I’ve cried at my fair share of obnoxious romantic movies, but for some reason, I hold books to a higher standard. I tend to enjoy books with only smack of romance, where at the end I’m left to wonder what their lives were like after the end of the book. To me, being able to wonder such things is a testament to the author because they have crafted such realistic and compelling characters that I am able to envision how they may act later.
I need a solid plot driving the story otherwise I get bored. I need intelligence. No offense to those who love romance, but to me, it’s dull and more often than not, predictable. The overwhelming amount of romance is why books like Graceling and The Forest of Hands Teeth fell flat for me. Both started off with such interesting premises and then BAM! A male character is introduced and the story is shot to hell.
The Hunger Games really is a fantastic example of a great book with a “smack” of romance and wonderful characters. TEAM PEETA!
@JentheAmazing
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I enjoyed FIRE much more than GRACELING, and that’s probably because the romance, while a big part of the novel, is less “We slept together once and now we’re in love”. Which…ugh.
I did, however, really enjoy THE FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH. The romance wasn’t such a big deal for me, especially when a certain character dies.
Yessssssssssssss. TEAM PEETA FOREVER.
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Even though I know you don’t like sword and sworcery type stuff, I love Merecedes Lackey’s tales because even though some of the characters are destined to be together, or Lifebonded, the relationships still grow organically and as an aside to the greater conflict. I’m with you 100%.
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Great post!
I especially hate it when characters confess their love by saying, “I have FEEEELINGS for you”. Um, could you be a tiny bit more specific?
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This. I am all for love, but it shouldn’t swallow the characters until there’s nothing else. What happened to everything that forms the characters’ lives, their interests, their other relationships, their goals? And why can’t there be more books about other kinds of love (familial, friend, etc.)?
I have to say, though, I’m Team Katniss all the way. ;)
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Ooh, I like that! Team Katniss!
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Just have to say, HIGH FIVE! And here I thought I was the only one yelling “Team Katniss!” whenever the Peeta vs. Gale thing came up.
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OMGosh… thank you for writing this post. I totally agree. I heart romance, but I don’t want to read a book, or series, that is solely dedicated to romance. There have been several times when I’ve just had to put down a book because there was no substance which just makes me sad.
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Gah, I’d say so much more if I didn’t have to go to bed for early morning shenanigans.
But yes! I’m a romance newbie (the first romance novel I read was the one I ended up signing and then selling to Berkley; lots of catching up to do) chiefly because I was under the impression that all romances were so keen on the FEEEELINGS thing, and I certainly was not. Am not. I need a plot and a romantic relationship based on more than, “We’re in LOVE!” Which is probably why I waffled quite a bit as to whether my client’s thing should be called a paranormal romance or urban fantasy. But it is romance! Romance can has story!
And lolcat speak is a sign I should do bed now. But essentially, yes, agreed, good show, two thumbs up.
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